How To Live On Earth
by BumblePrime217
Summary: War comes in all shapes and sizes, but the Autobots encounter their biggest battle yet: turning an alien planet into their adopted home. Months after Mission City with the impending arrival of the second wave of friends, the Bots team up with their new allies to quickly learn all they can about human culture. Except Bumblebee of course. Prequel, spin-off, whatever you call it.


Let's recap.

First of all, I bought a car that turned out to be an alien robot. Said alien robot had friends. Said friends had enemies. Both wanted some kind of Cube. They battle it out in Mission City. Good guys win, the guy gets the girl, story over.

Which is why all of this happened, all because the guy wanted to get the girl he loved.

Can you blame me?

Now because of that, not only do I have the girl, but a cool friend, more cool fr-

Wait, you probably know that already.

-

So Mojo forced me out of bed earlier than usual. He had the audacity to pee on me while I was sleeping. Now that has never happened to me before. He's been doing that ever since the "Ironhide Incident," so I blame _him_.

The Sun was barely over the horizon, I had to take a shower, and Bee, yes Bee, because I forgot to close the blinds in the bathroom, saw me while I was naked.

There was a loud crash, not of Ratchet proportions, that certainly woke me, and probably most of the neighbors out of their sleep.

Keep in mind that ever since the Bots "leveled" the house months ago, and single-handedly "shook up" the neighborhood emanating from our property, everyone would use any excuse to see what our family was up to this time.

I can already see the day ahead of me now.

 _"Samuel... next time... don't freely... showoff your... spike."_

Bumblebee, aka new best friend, was clearly distressed and was averting his eyes? Optics?

"W-well next time don't just peep into a bathroom."

I suddenly remembered what had just happened and burst into a rant explaining not to look into bathrooms.

It didn't help I still wasn't wearing cloths.

-

After the whole fiasco was over and when I was "officially" ready to start the day, I ate breakfast, gave Miles the Daily Life Report, ignored Mojo's Daily Life Report, proceeded to start explaining to Bumblebee the process of the Daily Life Report, so on.

 _"Oh, I remembered something important!"_

Curiosity prodded me to find out what the important thing was.

"So you finally remembered something important?"

Bee was like an eager child, nodding his head enthusiastically, _"Yeah, I have to take you_ _... to our leader... for your next set of orders."_

My next set of orders?

"Gosh, you make it sound like I'm a soldier or something."

An immediate response later.

 _"Listen to me you're a soldier now!"_

... Oh, so I guess he heard all that. But that doesn't mean I'm an actual soldier though... does it.

 _"Hey Samuel... I got into this gig around your age."_

"But aren't you actually just becoming my age?"

I got him with that, but it didn't sway the main objective. One quick swoop and one transformation later, we were already heading down a familiar route.

For captivity reasons, or "personal concerns" I was equipped with a fastened seat belt and locked doors..

When we arrived at Mikaela's home it was obvious that I was the one who had to retrieve her.

There was the surprised look on her face, but there was the same certain urgency that Bee had after I explained the situation.

Even though there wouldn't be a problem of me being resistant, it was Mikaela, not Bee, that had the luxury of strapping me down and locking the doors.

At least I still had the privilege to hold her hand. That's a bonus right?

-

We arrived at the makeshift facility for the Autobots that was by the interstate leading to Mission City.

This facility was built by the government, or cooperating shell companies made by them to drive the point home that Mission City was truly an "accident".

All that work to just make a cover-up really made me sick considering what I went through, but it's what it is: a cover-up.

Cooperating shell companies McClaren Robotics/Massive Dynamics and Mendelson Robotics passed off the Transformers as "autonomous biomechanical constructs developed for rescue and evacuation which wandered off their test site when the global communication blackout knocked the Global Positioning System offline."

Also note that in other testimonies that the robots "accidentally went haywire", and then the Pentagon went and cleared all charges. There is more lore in these companies, but I don't want to dwell much further in.

-

"Sam, I'm sorry if this... "puts a wrench in your plans", but we need your help."

Optimus needs my help? Wait, it wouldn't be the first time... never mind.

"Uh, what do you need help with?"

Please don't be something too dangerous.

"Sam, we need you,"

Please don't be something too dangerous.

"To teach us about your Earth rules... and what not."

What...

"But don't you guys have like built in internet in your heads?"

The Autobots shook their heads.

Optimus knelt on one knee, "Just because we can mentally implement ourselves in one of your situations and regulations, doesn't mean we would know how to perfectly execute, or kn-"

"I think he gets it Prime."

There goes Ironhide saving the day.

 _"Oh guys! Don't forget... school starts nnneext week... oh bummer..."_

There goes Bumblebee reminding me that Summer went too soon... wait.

School starts next week?

Then how the freak will I-

-

 **Implementing a self writers block is the fastest way to prepare for a hurricane.**


End file.
